Well
it looks like the cat is out of the bag. I have no idea how that could possibly
have happened!
I didn’t
give anything away! I suspect there is a spy in the ranks somewhere
intercepting my private messages. There is no other way people could have
known!
I
really do despair.
Anyway,
now the secret is out, Mr. Adam Howe would like to tell you all about his new
book, Tijuana Donkey Showdown and let
you see, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, the wonderful cover. I have absolutely no
idea what it is about because I have never, ever in my life heard that phrase
before, honest gov!
If
you have never read Adam Howe before then I can only suggest you check out my
review of Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet,
here, or my interview with him here, to see what he is all about.
Once
you do that, then pay very close attention to the pre-order news further down
the page and get yourself prepared to hit the important pages to do just that and
pre-order this little gem, which promises to be another big hit.
Go
Mr. Adam Howe……….
(Mr Howe clears throat)..........
Thank you Mr Murray.
As you’ve probably guessed from the title, Tijuana Donkey Showdown is a wholesome children’s book about the rivalry between a pair of adorable jackasses at a Mexican petting zoo…
Thank you Mr Murray.
As you’ve probably guessed from the title, Tijuana Donkey Showdown is a wholesome children’s book about the rivalry between a pair of adorable jackasses at a Mexican petting zoo…
Just
fucking with you.
It’s
as worrisome as it sounds.
But
I won’t rule out writing a children’s book some day. If you were to remove the
sleazy sex and depraved violence from my work, there’s still a lot for a child
to enjoy. And I aim to test this theory on my newborn daughter, Georgia Mae. If
she grows up to be a basket case, I’ll hold my hands up and admit I was wrong.
For
the innocents among you – yeah, right – who would claim not to know what a
‘donkey show’ is – obviously this excludes Nev – let me clue you in: It’s a
live sex show involving a gal and a jackass.
Because
sometimes Spearmint Rhino isn’t
enough.
A
‘donkey show’ is also the term used to describe a fucked-up situation.
And
in Tijuana Donkey Showdown, that’s
exactly the kinda situation my character Reggie Levine finds himself in.
Tijuana
Donkey Showdown is the (ahem) eagerly awaited sequel to Damn Dirty Apes from my Die
Dog or Eat the Hatchet collection, in which I continue the misadventures
(or prolong the misery) of my unlikely hero: ex-boxer turned strip club bouncer
turned ‘skunk ape’ slayer, Reggie Levine.
In
Damn Dirty Apes, Reggie led a misfit
posse on a backwoods safari to rescue the local high school football mascot,
Boogaloo Baboon, from an oversexed skunk ape, and stumbled across a gang of
meth-cooking bikers.
As
Reggie himself admits:
“Probably
that sounds a little strange to you? Well, no shit. I was there and I still
struggle to believe it really happened.”
When
we catch up with Reggie in Tijuana Donkey
Showdown, the events of Apes have
since been adapted into a critically panned Video on Demand motion picture
directed by Uwe Boll and starring Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage as Reggie. (I
can neither confirm nor deny rumours that Mr. Cage makes an explosive,
gotta-read-it-to-believe-it cameo in Tijuana
Donkey Showdown.) Reggie has become a local celebrity in his small town of
Bigelow, Arkansas, and is much in demand as a yokel troubleshooter, or a
one-man A-Team, as he puts it.
When
a seedy used-car salesman named Harry Muffet recruits Reggie to retrieve his
prize Chinese crested terrier from a fleapit roadside zoo, where the ugly
fucking show dog has been mistaken for the chupacabra, Reggie soon finds
himself embroiled in a deadly criminal conspiracy involving neo-Nazi drug smugglers,
a wannabe serial killer, an ornery Vietnam veteran, a badass veterinarian, and
a freakishly endowed adult entertainment donkey named Enrique. (And maybe, maybe not Nicolas Cage; I simply
cannot say.)
Pretty
much business as usual for Reggie Levine.
There’s
not a lot more I can tell you without giving away spoilers…
So
how about we drop the curtain on some art?
The
cover for my previous book, Die Dog or
Eat the Hatchet, was so well received, that this one really had to be special.
I kept seeing the work of this ‘Mike Tenebrae’ dude on my Facebook feed. I
understand that Mike is a friend of Confessions! So you don’t need me to tell
you how crazy talented this guy is. I didn’t have much in the way of an art
budget, but I figured there was no harm in reaching out to him, even if only
for future reference. To my surprise, Mike dug my pitch for a ‘video box
art’-style poster, agreed to work in exchange for glamour shots of myself in
compromising poses, and created something that exceeded my giddy expectations. This
led to Comet Press commissioning Mike for the cover design, and again, he
knocked it out of the park. So, big props to Mike; he’ll be my first port of
call as and when I write that children’s book.
Tijuana Donkey Showdown is now available for
pre-order in advance of a December 9th release. Plenty of time for those of you
who haven’t read Damn Dirty Apes in
the Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet collection
to get yourselves up to speed. Between now and then, I’ll be sharing early reviews
as part of my promotion.
Like
these, from Messrs. James Newman and Pete Kahle:
"It
would be easy to say that Adam Howe writes like Lansdale on meth, or like '80s
action-movie icon Shane Black on crack, so I won't say that. I will say
that I have yet to read anything by Howe that didn't have me laughing so hard I
wondered more than once as I flipped the pages if I might have sprained
something vital inside of me. He's done it again with TIJUANA DONKEY SHOWDOWN. The only thing I hate about this
guy's books is the fact that, as soon as I finish one, there's not another I can
start right away. Dammit."
James
Newman (author of UGLY AS SIN, ODD MAN OUT, and ANIMOSITY)
"Adam
Howe has oodles of insane talent. His latest offering, TIJUANA DONKEY SHOWDOWN, is the perfect follow-up to DAMN DIRTY APES. It reads like the
script of the greatest B-movie ever, written by the unholy offspring of Joe R.
Lansdale and Jeff Strand, and directed by Uwe Boll. Howe is a purveyor of
beautiful, ridiculous violence, and I hope the misadventures of Reggie Levine
continue for a long time."
Pete
Kahle (award-winning author of THE
SPECIMEN)
If
that doesn’t whet your appetite – tough crowd – I would ask you to look closely
at this picture of my daughter Georgia Mae, and consider that, much to my
surprise as a new parent, babies require food and clothing; I would hate for
you to be complicit in her neglect. So please, pre-order generously.
PS.
Some of you may be wondering: How far did I take my research? Did I actually
witness a live donkey show in preparation for this book, in order to give my
readers the gritty realism they have come to expect from the author of titles
like Jesus In A Dog’s Ass and Of Badgers & Porn Dwarfs? Alas, I was
unable to attend a live donkey show; although Gabino Iglesias assures me the
offer remains open when I next visit the States. However, in the name of art, I
did investigate this particular paraphilia at notorious bestiality website, Rustler.
The site has since been shut down pending the outcome of a lawsuit issued by
Larry Flynt. Curious parties should contact me personally for the video(s). But
rest assured I was thorough in my research. And that it was not my proudest
wank.
PPS.
After the Damn Dirty Apes controversy,
I was mindful not to anger any other factions of the cryptozoological
community. I’m pleased to report that I’ve yet to hear a peep from the C.D.L
aka the Chupacabra Defamation League. This may change when Tijuana Donkey Showdown is translated into Spanish.
As soon as it is though, Confessions will let you know in a style Mr Cage would be very proud of!
Book
Synopsis:
Reggie
Levine, ex-boxer turned bouncer, and hapless hero, has barely recovered from
his ordeal in Damn Dirty Apes, when he is called back to action. Recruited
to a retrieve a Chinese crested terrier from a fleapit roadside zoo, where the
ugly effing show dog has been mistaken for the chupacabra, Reggie finds himself
embroiled in a deadly criminal conspiracy involving neo-Nazi drug smugglers, a
seedy used-car salesman, a wannabe serial killer, an ornery Vietnam veteran, a
badass veterinarian, a freakishly endowed adult entertainment donkey named
Enrique, and in an explosive cameo, an Academy Award winning Hollywood icon.
From Adam Howe,
writer of Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet, Black Cat Mojo, and the winner
of Stephen King’s On Writing contest, comes another slice of pulp
Southern crime, 80s action, pop Americana, and pitch-black comedy.
Adam Howe writes
the twisted fiction your mother warned you about. A British writer of fiction
and screenplays, he lives in London with his partner, their daughter, and a
hellhound named Gino.
Writing
as Garrett Addams, his short story Jumper was chosen by Stephen King as the
winner of the international On Writing contest, and published in the
paperback/Kindle editions of King’s memoir.
His
fiction has appeared in places like Nightmare Magazine, Thuglit, Mythic
Delirium, and Year’s Best Hardcore Horror Volume 1. He is the author of
Tijuana Donkey Showdown, and two novella collections, Die Dog or Eat the
Hatchet, and Black Cat Mojo.
In
the pipeline: the occult thriller Scapegoat, co-written with James Newman, a
horror/crime collaboration with Adam Cesare, and 80s action
throwback, One Tough Bastard.
And
for more about Adam, visit his site or find him on social media:
Website
– Facebook – Twitter – Goodreads – Amazon Page
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